Problems with pleasing

“I can only please one person a day… Today is not your day & tomorrow isn’t looking good either.”

― N.J. Nielsen

Obviously if you’re living to please people, you’re not really living your own life, right? And of course there’s no way to please everyone, because two people can have completely opposite expectations from you, so which one are you going to please?

Yet the worst part about being a people-pleaser is that while others see you as happy-go-lucky, you always feel like you have a hole in your heart. Your heart doesn’t contain anything for too long. And It hurts because you are fighting a never-ending battle. When you fail at your simple goal of making others happy, it hurts because you can’t live up to their expectations and it translates into a lack of capabilities on your behalf. When you do make someone happy and they compliment you, it hurts because the little nagging selfish voice in you says that you haven’t achieved much for yourself. You remember all the things you’re missing while making that person happy. Catch 22.

Then what makes some of us the way we are? What keeps us from changing into more “evolution-ized” beings? Is it that we’re actually really selfish beings who find joy in giving joy to others so we’re really just pleasing ourselves? Is it an excuse to avoid our own life?

But then you think: does it matter?

What if you’re the one smile that changes someone’s day? What if you’re the one call that saves someone from themselves? What if you’re the reason (at least partly) why they decided to take that big step in their life? What if your own ordinary, meaningless, void life is not enough? What if it’s just not enough to be making a lot of money and having nice things? What if personal fulfilment becomes secondary to changing someone’s frown to a smile even if just for a bit?

I think that’s enough to give my heart some peace for tonight. Tomorrow is another day.